Close to home

This is where my heart lies, home. As the weather grows cold the inside fills with familiar scents and heat from the fire. Bread, soup, pies, all the good warm food that keeps the cold out. As the nights get longer and the days shorter we slumber more. This time of feasting and rest should be use to connect and praise our Heavenly Father for his gifts. He is blessing us with time, food, shelter and home. Home is more than a place it is a feeling. I get that feeling when I am anywhere and find a familiar smell or taste food that is like my mother makes. Where is your home? Where does your heart reside? Mine is at my parents house with homemade food and hot fires, warm hugs, big soft blankets, puppy dogs and my little girl running around free and giggly. Nothing brings me to my knees to give thanks any more than home. Without this creation where would we be? without this place to come back to and find familiar faces, stories, food, warmth, smells, sights and joy where would we be? I know for a fact I have no idea where I would be. This is my heart and where I reside. I am truly blessed by home. Thank you father for all Home provides me and thank you for the provision home is able to provide. You are the Almighty, Alpha and Omega and you are my home. I know once I return it will be filled with all the things you have given me here on earth. I know these things are just a little reminder of where I came and will one day return to. You ARE it ALL!! Thank you for this time in season to slow down and give Thanks. Thank you for the familiarity of it all and thanks for it to be that time again.

Opportunity

May I say what a amazing two years it has been. This journey is one I never thought I would take, but without it where would I be? I love where I am today. I have had the ability to grow closer to my Lord and Savior, to develop my friendship with my parents, to spend some great time with my daughter, camp, travel, visis Disney World, make amazing friends. I believe God wants marriages to work for better or worse, but he can take the worse and use it for your better. I do not believe in divorce and trust me if it was up to me I would not have been in this situation again. I don't believe divorce is ment to be a alternative to marriage. Although I believe when living in a broken world and you find yourself in a divorce situation you can search for God in the situation and he will not only walk you through it he will reveal more of Himself to you through it all. Nothing can be whole without Him:seek His face not his hand and you will see how His heart is with you always. October 2010 the worst month of my life, I spent everyday after work on my knees begging God to change my situation. I had a husband who hated me and hated to be near me. My daughter and I would be happy and laughing and as soon as he hit the front door it would end. I knew that the situation was out of my hands. Begging in tears every night for God to release me from the pain and anger to help me turn my marriage around. Well he answered just not in the way I imagined. My husband ended the marriage. The worst day of my life was knowing my life would never be as I dreamed it would be. We had been friends for over 10 years and together for 4 years with a child that just turned 2. He was supposed to be my forever. Moving into my own apartment the waves of pain could of killed me. I had a 2 year old that would scream for her dad and I hurt just as bad. I couldn't fathom the pain we would of gone through before it happened. Gathering myself I could make it through the day barely without sheading tears. My face was dry but the tears were always right under the surface. Not fooling anyone I tried to stay busy. I started salsa dancing and working out. I would clean my house every night till I exhausted myself and feel asleep in front of the tv. Never leaving a moment of silence or thought. My sister found a program and suggested it. I attended in March, April and may of 2011. This would happen to be the greatest thing I would ever do. Making friends, finding a church and gathering tools I could use in real life helped me stop avoiding the pain and deal with it. How amazing to be pointed on a path to search for God in all my mess.plus to be blessed enough to have some amazing women to guide me as I journyed down this path. It is now August 2012 and I am more accomplished in my career, walk with Christ, friendships and Life with my daughter than I would of ever been stuck in a marriage with a man that could not love me or cherish me or be faithful to me. I may never be remarried this I am unsure but I do know, God took this girl in pain and made purpose.


American Momma

If men would listen to women!

Men did God not make you with two ears as he did woman? I have a friend separated from his wife and she is putting him through hell! He just wants the hell to stop and she wants her life back! So if he would spend the time to woe her back and show her she is the one for him they would both get what God wants for them. I hate when men say but we tried everything. NEWS flash no you haven't! If you had tried to win the heart of your bride again then she would be yours. We are made from your flesh! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!! Do you not get it!


American Momma!

Moving on

So it's been a a road of change. I am doing well. It's funny the way God has placed certain people in my life. I have several guy friends in my life that are challenging me to move on. On friend challenges me in my spiritual growth and physical fitness. I have another who is going through a divorce and is giving me perspective on the guys view of divorce. It's funny listening to him knowing that is most likely a lot of how my ex husband feels. Being in a place of knowing how to grow and be compassionate is also giving me a new perspective on all my ex went thru. God has a way of keeping me growing and my heart soft to him. I hate that because I'll never be able to shut him out again. I am just listening and learning as I go.


Have a great week!
American momma!

He is not in love with me!

Can I say the most selfish statement ever! I am not in love with you so we can't be together. How is it that God has ordained our marriage and you think that falling out of love is a excuse to leave?we are not always in love with our spouse but we stay and fight it out. My grandparents showed me what true love is about. They stuck it out together no matter how hard it was. Marriage is a choice and there are days you have to make that choice over and over again until you fall back in love with that person. Marriage has weight and value in heaven like no other. The way you treat your spouse is something you have to be accountable for...when Saint Peter asks, " why did you not treasure the one person I made for you?" what would your response be? I didn't feel like treasuring her, I was to lazy, it didn't please me? Really are these the answers you want to give? How about telling, Jesus ..it was just to hard. The one that hung on the cross for you. What if he would of given up and said no this is to hard father just condem them all? News flash Life Is Hard so get over yourself! Marriage is just a piece of paper REALLY? Marriage is a covenant under God, promising to care for your spouse and raise a family! I guess when you marry someone that married you out of duty instead of love this is what you get. A husband who could care less about his vows and commitment before God. My heart has been shattered but no more. I have to find my place back in line with Christ. I know he is waiting to hold and love me and offer blessings. He is the only man I can lean on, depend on and can trust with my heart. For all men on earth have ravaged my heart into almost oblivion. For Jesus has rescued me and my heart from the depths of despair and will deliver me into greatness. Ahhh how sweet it is that he will allow none to stand against me and will restore me whole. For my sins, my failures, my falts and fallen times only make him cherish me more. Using this time to focus fully on seeking his face is a trimester I'm going to cherish and take full advantage of. Jesus thank you for taking control and guiding my life. I know all decisions I have made on my own will be used for your plan. Thank you for catching me when I fall and for supplying me with a army to back me. You are above all. My Alfa and omega. I love you dearly. Jesus thank you for your sacrifice so that I may live fully with you in heaven. Please guide my heart, words, thoughts and actions so that they only please you. My Father I love you dearly!


American Momma

Giving it away

Last night I gave it all to God. My financial bind, emotional pain, mental stress, feelings  of distress, I gave it all away. I am leading today with a new attitude. God knows my short falls and is wiling to make up the difference. I spent a hour or so on my knees and reading the bible till it came to me. He has asked me to hand this all to him to bear. So I have and I am no longergonna carry it. My mountain could destroy me, but God can blow it away. So mountain into the sea I am no longer going to do this with you.


American momma!

Call it quits?

I am always encouraging my married friends to work it out. Certain that divorce is not a option. Then why is it a option for me? Is it because he has given up? Do I feel justified in walking away because he has no idea if he wants me around? It hurts and I'm tired of this yoyo game, but am I supposed to just give up as he did? I want to believe he will change his heft and see that it is me. Or that I can change my heart and he can't be apart of it. I'm pretty certain at this point neither are going to happen. So where do we go from here? Knowing neither of us are gonna change over night and I can't control him how do I change myself? How do I move forward without hurting every moment of every day? Is Love worth the hate?


American momma