Opportunity

May I say what a amazing two years it has been. This journey is one I never thought I would take, but without it where would I be? I love where I am today. I have had the ability to grow closer to my Lord and Savior, to develop my friendship with my parents, to spend some great time with my daughter, camp, travel, visis Disney World, make amazing friends. I believe God wants marriages to work for better or worse, but he can take the worse and use it for your better. I do not believe in divorce and trust me if it was up to me I would not have been in this situation again. I don't believe divorce is ment to be a alternative to marriage. Although I believe when living in a broken world and you find yourself in a divorce situation you can search for God in the situation and he will not only walk you through it he will reveal more of Himself to you through it all. Nothing can be whole without Him:seek His face not his hand and you will see how His heart is with you always. October 2010 the worst month of my life, I spent everyday after work on my knees begging God to change my situation. I had a husband who hated me and hated to be near me. My daughter and I would be happy and laughing and as soon as he hit the front door it would end. I knew that the situation was out of my hands. Begging in tears every night for God to release me from the pain and anger to help me turn my marriage around. Well he answered just not in the way I imagined. My husband ended the marriage. The worst day of my life was knowing my life would never be as I dreamed it would be. We had been friends for over 10 years and together for 4 years with a child that just turned 2. He was supposed to be my forever. Moving into my own apartment the waves of pain could of killed me. I had a 2 year old that would scream for her dad and I hurt just as bad. I couldn't fathom the pain we would of gone through before it happened. Gathering myself I could make it through the day barely without sheading tears. My face was dry but the tears were always right under the surface. Not fooling anyone I tried to stay busy. I started salsa dancing and working out. I would clean my house every night till I exhausted myself and feel asleep in front of the tv. Never leaving a moment of silence or thought. My sister found a program and suggested it. I attended in March, April and may of 2011. This would happen to be the greatest thing I would ever do. Making friends, finding a church and gathering tools I could use in real life helped me stop avoiding the pain and deal with it. How amazing to be pointed on a path to search for God in all my mess.plus to be blessed enough to have some amazing women to guide me as I journyed down this path. It is now August 2012 and I am more accomplished in my career, walk with Christ, friendships and Life with my daughter than I would of ever been stuck in a marriage with a man that could not love me or cherish me or be faithful to me. I may never be remarried this I am unsure but I do know, God took this girl in pain and made purpose.


American Momma